The term ‘demand avoidance’ refers to an individual persistently refusing to comply with such everyday requests as brushing their hair, putting on shoes or sitting at the table for lunch.
The individual seems to resist requests simply because they are being asked to do something by someone else. For the child on the autistic spectrum, this behaviour is a response to their fear of losing control of their situation, and the extreme anxiety they experience as a result. They may respond by refusing to comply with a request, hiding, running away, trying to distract the adult by silly behaviour or becoming aggressive and lashing out. Such reactions are best understood as an instinctive flight, fight or freeze response.
Strategies to help manage demand avoidance: –
- It is important to understand that anxiety underlies the avoidant behaviour; to analyse any triggers and reduce the anxiety, perhaps by following a reassuring, predictable routine, giving advance notice of change, in addition to avoiding situations that are known to provoke demand avoidance.
- The adult’s response to the behaviour is important. Keeping calm and using a neutral tone of voice when speaking with the child will help to de-escalate the situation.
- Pick your battles. Focus on behaviour that might endanger the child or others, and let minor issues go.
- Build plenty of ‘downtime’ into the child’s day to give them time to relax and build up the reserves necessary to cope with challenging situations.
- Reduce the perceived demand level by making requests as indirect as possible and including an element of choice, so the child does not feel backed into a corner. ‘What do you fancy for breakfast. Porridge, Weetabix or Rice Krispies?’ ‘What do you think: trousers or shorts for school today?’
- De-personalise requests. ‘The park keeper always shuts the gates at 6.00 pm.’ ‘The police don’t allow anyone to go that way.’
- Turn requests into games, so the underlying task is marginalised. ‘Let’s say the colours of all front doors on the way to Grandma’s house.’
- Ask the child for assistance. Pretend to be uncertain of how to do something, so the child is able to help.
- Treat every day as a fresh start. Do not refer to previous battles, but assume everything will go well.
- Allow the child generous amounts of time to pursue their own hobbies and interests. They need plenty of time to do things that they enjoy, as well as the things they have to do.
Pat Guy Education Specialist & Author 