Optimism

‘No matter where you go, there you are.’

(Confucious)

‘If only I was slimmer, didn’t wear glasses, was intelligent, more popular. If only I was sporty, funny, had a boy / girlfriend. It’s all right for people who are rich, live in the South, have a good job, go to a private school.’

If such wishes could be granted, would the people making them be any happier? If they had cosmetic surgery to enhance their cheekbones, would their life change for the better or would they feel their chin now required improvement? If they got a new job, would their job satisfaction improve dramatically? If they began to wear contact lenses rather than glasses, would they feel more confident and outgoing? Is the grass always greener? Does change always bring the contentment that is hoped for?

No matter what the wish and whether it is granted or not, the one person who will share the new experience with the individual is themself. Some people only seem to see the negatives in situations, so that being in a new job or having a new appearance may not bring the satisfaction they were hoping for. Perhaps before making changes to our environment or appearance, we need to think realistically about how such a change will improve our life experience. 

A staged approach to such thinking is useful, with the exercise broken down into steps. Firstly, examining our patterns of thinking, secondly, looking at exactly why we think in the way we do, and finally, how to break any negative thinking habits.

1. Being aware of negative thinking patterns.

Are we aware of the negative patterns of thought processes we have created for ourselves? If we realise that we always assume there is a cloud to every silver lining, we may be more able to make changes for the better. 

2. Thinking about why we do this.

There are several reasons for developing pessimistic thought processes, for example, we may have picked up other people’s, often our parents’, attitudes. Some individuals might have experienced hardship or trauma, and while a cautious approach to life to avoid disappointment or embarrassment might have been useful in the past, it may not be appropriate now.

3. Ways to break the habit.

• Surround yourself with people who have a positive attitude to life. Mix with radiators, people who exude warmth and positivity, rather than drains, people who sap your energy and optimism. 
• Be aware of when you are overly self-critical. Would you offer such criticism to a friend, or would you offer compassion and support? Be as kind towards yourself as you would to others. 
• Be aware of the dangers of perfectionism. No one is perfect; it is an impossible target. Our work, appearance, confidence, social ability, all only need to be good enough.
• Be self-disciplined. If you find yourself thinking in a negative way, distract or busy yourself. Engage in an activity or hobby that you enjoy and can become absorbed in. 
• Try to avoid seeing things in black and white: there is a lot of ground in between. Try to focus on the reality, rather than your personal perception of a situation.
• Take a small step approach to becoming more positive. Target one area for improvement at a time, and put your energy into increasing your optimism in that area. 
• Seek humour in everyday events and try to take yourself less seriously.
• Maintain good physical health to maximise your energy, help you to feel optimistic and able to make changes: exercise, follow a sensible diet and make sure you get enough sleep.